Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
