So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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