My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
