i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
