K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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