oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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