I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have tasted many bathrooms
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
