By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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