How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looked like the before picture.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
