You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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