When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
