Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
