yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm at about main and main street
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
