now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
