I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
