So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
