yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
