Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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