i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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