My Higher Power is John Stamos
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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