He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Fuck appropriateness.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
