[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
