she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
