He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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