And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
