I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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