i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
