I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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