Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
