I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
