Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
