I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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