Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
