After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
