One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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