Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
