You can't special order awesome
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
