i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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