I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its about making memories worth repressing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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