Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
