I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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