Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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