Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
