i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
