lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
