judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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