dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
