Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
