haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
