dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
