I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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