I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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