just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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