i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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