time to smoke my breakfast
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
