So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just cut my nipple shaving
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
