god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What drink are we having for lunch?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
