Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
