ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
