That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
