guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
