turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
