if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
