See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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