I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
