well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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