Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry my hands just texted you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
