I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
