did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
