i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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