this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
