I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
