Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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