You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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