My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
