would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
